Annual Performance Report – Sin Industries Ltd.
Dear Shareholders,
We are proud to present the 3500th annual report of Sin Industries Ltd., a constituent company of Hell Inc. I am happy to report that our revenue growth this year has exceeded all expectations. Our market share of over 99% of all souls reaped stands at the second-highest ever recorded in human history. The last time we reached such high numbers we managed to convince Almighty Inc. to wipe out nearly all life on Earth. A single-family that represented the 1% who survived led a miserable existence on a boat for months on end. We managed to set humanity back by a 1000 years. However, today’s population of almost seven billion souls means we have to reach as close to 100% as possible if we are to convince Almighty Inc. to bring about Armageddon. Anyways, we get ahead of ourselves. Let’s drill down a bit into the successes that we have achieved and the challenges that lay ahead of us.
I’d like to begin by congratulating the Department of Sloth for their continued triumphs. Their recent initiatives on video streaming services exemplified by their recent star, The Netflicks – Prime Project, constitute our biggest success this year. Sloth, measured by AHHI, average horizontal hours – inactive (includes time spent on bed, couch, and other soft surfaces. Excludes time spent swimming and in other activities done horizontally) is at an all-time high.
Snapping at their heels, tied for second place are the Departments of Lust and Gluttony. Department of Lust continues to build on its earlier successes of streaming porn over the internet. Its recently launched project on introducing Virtual Reality in porn continues to gain traction. Department of Gluttony, which launched a joint project with the Department of Sloth on making food available to people on demand has been received well. Its long-running initiatives on ensuring affordable access to fatty, greasy meals through packaged and processed food continue to be runaway successes.
At third place is the Department of Envy which continues to ride high through its ever-expanding suite of hopelessly overpriced ‘luxury’ items. The department has multiplied its impact over the past few years through the propagation of Social Media channels.
In terms of areas of improvement, I’d say it’s been too long since the Department of Greed came out with new ideas. Make no mistake, the legitimization of greed via a project initiated by them in the town of Wittenberg in 16th Century Germany has been successful beyond our wildest dreams. Who knew that the seeds of Capitalism sown in the mind of a simple monk named Martin Luther would lead to such sustained growth? However, I am a bit disappointed that after this success, DoG has come out only with derivative innovations such as the primacy of economists and management types in decision making and their continued obsession with metrics such as GDP and revenue growth. Metrics that link prosperity and happiness to material consumption and accumulation. Crazy! I look forward to their next wave of innovations. Yeh dil maange more!
The combined Department of Pride and Wrath continues to create mayhem across the world. White supremacy movements in the US and Europe, and the rise of nationalism and insurgencies all over the world provided a slight uptick to its performance as compared to earlier years. However, the departments are far away from their peak performance when colonialism was the dominant ideology in the world. All efforts to heat up the cold war and other low-scale conflicts since then have been largely unsuccessful. What a fall for a department that was directly responsible for causing the two world wars.
Finally, coming to corporate initiatives. Seeded, designed, funded, and implemented by our corporate strategy department, the Corona Project 2020 has led to accelerated growth in our revenues. Granted it had some negative effects on Greed, but this was more than offset by improvements in the performances of Lust, Gluttony, and Sloth. Phase 2 of the project will be launched shortly. It is hoped to lead to the complete breakdown of the social fabric of most societies and take us back to our halcyon days when base survival instincts ruled mankind.
In terms of risks, while the threat from Virtue Corp. has continued to decline, two of their elite agents continue to pose a significant danger to our ambitions. Hope, which has been our nemesis ever since the partial failure of Pandora’s experiment continues to be as effective as ever. We are trying to break her hold over men through repeated cycles of hope – gloom cycles but have yet to get the timing right.
An unexpected outcome of the Corona Project has been an uptick in the reach and effectiveness of Kindness. It’s like the early days of Christianity again, strangers helping each other, people going out of their way to take care of their friends, random acts of kindness, etc. It’s rather nauseating! Although we are yet to find an effective way to reduce the impact and reach of kindness, rest assured, corporate is actively working on finding a solution.
As a closing note, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of our minions who are out there, doing their best to spread chaos and cause mayhem. Continue to wag your tails and sharpen your horns. I promise you, we will prevail!
Signing off,
Lucifer Morning-Star.
CEO, Sin Industries Ltd.