The Human Project
“Pay attention, children, today we will learn about the history of our people,” the teacher said as she buzzed in front of 15 young adults about to emerge into adulthood.
“Before we open our books, tell me, who is the dominant species on our planet?” she asked. The silence was immediate. No one wanted to be called out.
“C’mon, it’s not that difficult,” the teacher said encouragingly. She tried to catch their eye, but every student worth his salt suddenly found something interesting in their notebooks, feet, or neighbours. “It’s okay if you get it wrong; I won’t bite,” she said with a wink accompanied by a grin.
“Err, is it, is it, the lions?” a diminutive voice squeaked.
“Who was that?” the teacher asked, excited to see her students participating in class. “ Aah, it’s you Pesquito. Why do you say so?”
“Because, err, because they are big and strong and have a strong roar?”
“Well, a good guess, but that is not the correct answer, my little one,” the teacher replied. “Any other guesses?”
Seeing that no one was going to get scolded or bit for the wrong answer, a hive of activity kicked off.
“It’s the frogs! Because they have the longest tongues in the world!”
“No, no, I heard my mother say,” another one interjected, “the most dominant species is the Chinese. Because they eat the mighty frogs!”
“Ha, your mother is stupid. The Chinese are not a species of living things; they are a, they are a, a species of food.”
“You are both wrong. It is the Sheep. Because they are so hairy that even we can’t get to them, and the word species originates from Sheep,” another one quipped in.
“Silence, children, silence,” the teacher interjected, trying to calm the class down.
Amidst all this chaos, there was one little child sitting in the corner. Observing but not saying anything.
“What about you, Malary? What do you think?”
The class went deathly quiet. Malary had that effect on everyone. After all, he was the direct descendent of the most powerful family in the world. His pedigree was outdone only by his gravitas.
Malary took his own sweet time to respond. Even the teacher found herself holding her breath to hear what Malary would say. Finally, he chose to bless the class with his pearls of wisdom.
“It’s us madame. We are the most dominant species in the world by far.”
“Excellent answer Malary, that is correct,” the teacher replied, beaming at Malary.
“Yes, children, it is us. Let me elaborate. Our species has been around for at least 100 million years. We were there when the dinosaurs existed. The planet was warm and humid, and there was plenty of food to go around. It was, indeed, paradise! The dark ages hit us about 60 million years ago when the dinosaurs died, and an ice age hit the planet. Overnight, our food vanished, and the climate became hostile. Billions of our ancestors perished. However, we survived. We survived like this for millions of years, and through tens of ice ages. Sometimes growing, sometimes dying.”
She surveyed the children. They were all silent and looking at her with rapt attention. Even Malary was engrossed.
“A few million years ago, the wisest amongst us, and you all know his name…”
“Lord P. Malariae,” Pesky interjected.
You got it Pesky… Lord P Malariae, Malarie’s great ancestor,” she said, gesturing towards Malarie. “Where was I? Ah yes, the wisest amongst us decided that our life was too precious to be left to the fates. It was them who launched The Human Project. Which brings us to our topic of the day. Pesky,”
“Yes, Madame”
“Open your history textbook to Page 41 and read the paragraph on The Human Project.”
“Yes, Madame.”
“The Human Project is a multi-million-year project conceived, designed, and funded by Lord Plasmodium of the Malariae family. The project was designed to terraform Earth into a planet suitable for mosquito kind to thrive. The project continues to this day and is still led by the matriarch of the Malariae family. The project consists of three key phases:
Phase 1: Identify suitable host and influence their evolution to suit Mosquito needs. The species should be smart enough to help manipulate and control their environment (eventually) but stupid enough to do our bidding. Phase 1 is now complete and closed. The species chosen was the Hominoidea, which after millions of years of guided evolution, has evolved into our current food source, the Homo Sapien.
Phase 2: Influence the chosen species’ behaviour to ensure that it continues to be a tasty, healthy, reliable food source for ages to come; while influencing the planet to make it warmer and suitable for mosquito habitat.
This phase is almost at its completion now. Humanity has been nudged towards obesity and diabetes, giving us ample amounts of sweaty, sweet-smelling and sweet-tasting food. It has been taught to take care of itself, prolonging its lifespan and ensuring continued food supply. And it is now addicted to fossil fuels, ironically derived from our ancestral source of food, to make the Earth a warmer, more humid planet to live in.
Phase 3: Currently in the initial stages of execution. The ultimate objective is to reduce most of humanity to a vegetative state, lost in artificial dream worlds of their own making, while we continue farming them for blood. This will help our underprivileged and disabled to hunt their own food and wipe out mosquito poverty from this planet. Thus, ushering in an era of buzzing peacefulness and bloody parties. This is where the current human obsession with video gaming, television, the internet, and now the metaverse comes in. “
“But madame,” Pesky stopped reading as he gathered his thoughts. “ Wouldn’t a vegetative humanity die out on its own? How would it reproduce? How would it defend itself from each other? We know they like to kill each other a lot!”
“A great question, Pesky. Our wise leadership has already thought this through. I’ll start with the second question first. Humanity in its vegetative state is good for us. An unforeseen effect of their guided evolution towards more and better-tasting blood has been their bloodthirstiness for their own kind. They have learned increasingly effective ways of killing each other. The events in 1945 caused severe panic amongst our leadership and led us to nudge them to control their wild tendencies. However, they are too wild for their own good. Hence the push towards shifting their violent inclinations in the virtual world.”
“And what about reproduction?”
“Aah, the final step. Don’t you worry your little mind about it. The final step will be mass, automated artificial insemination. Their minds will be so engrossed in their virtual worlds that they won’t even realise their bodies are being farmed for blood and reproduction. A true utopia for mosquito-kind, is it not?”